Malta the Knights and the Gut

Fort St Angelo, Malta, Grand Harbour

The battle with Ollie Reed over, we set sail, the next port of call was going to be Malta were we were going to spend a short time in “DED” a maintenance period, this was to be in Valleta, at Fort St Angello in Grand Harbour.

The British had all but left Malta and the Communist backed Don Mintoff was riding high in the local polls. The Royal Navy and Malta have a very close frienship and the local population always come to see the arrival of The Fleet and the welcome was just as warm this time as it always was.
Grand harbour was just a splendour to see. The history behind the British Navy and it long relationship with the Island spans centuries and now I like my father before me was also part of that history. The navy was in my blood and always would be, I still felt my heart swelling when colours were sounded and the ensign hoisted aloft.
We continued to exercise with NATO country's all the way to Malta, I had listened intently to the stories of Malta and of those who had been there before me, I remembered as a Child I had lived on the island whilst my father had served at St Angelo, the memories of the period were almost non existant but I remembered some small things.
First night ashore and my first time on a dghajsa, it was a small vessel, a punt, not unlike those found in Venice the driver only had one paddle and was perched very precariously on the stern, probably not a disadvantage in Venice but was very skillful on the tidal crossing of grand harbour.

Never mind the history of Malta, The Nights Templar, the fortifications, the holiday resorts, I was attracted like a moth to a lamp to the place were for decades before me sailors from the navy battleships and frigates had gone on their visits to the Island, "the Gut", the Gut, real name Straight street, and for two hundred yards on both side of a very narrow thoroughfare there was bar after bar after tattoo artist after bar this place was full of woman, woman of ill repute who would for a few pounds introduce you to there daughters. The doorways to bars were very narrow and when within would open out to a usually seedy bar full of smoke with naval ships crests covering the walls. In some bars music would play very loudly and the sound would echo the full length of the Gut enticing sailors to spend their hard earned pounds on woman and marzavin.

The top of the gut was patrolled by Naval Provost marshal regulators and the bottom of the street was patrolled by the Royal Marines, most sailors would enter in a fit state but would be found crawling out of the bottom or top in a severe state of drunkenness.

My first visit to the Gut was not any different to what I have just described. I arrived with fellow ship mates and started on what could only be described as a pub crawl, it was known that it was impossible to go down one side and up the other and stay on your feet, many had tried. I was in no way a hardened drinker and I could only try in my own way to keep up with the flow of drink, the jokes and dits were spun constantly and the more drink the funnier they became, I lasted for about three hours before my legs gave way and I was helped to the top of the street. Naturally enough I was arrested by the regulators and thrown in the back of a provosts van.

It wasn't long before the van was full and we set off for the steps at the harbour, opposite St Angello, we hadn't gone far before I shouted that I was going to be sick, the van came to a sudden halt and sailors fell everywhere the back doors flew open and it was if a signal had been given, there was a rush for freedom and I found myself lying in the van with my head over the back bumper retching.

Eventually we reached the harbour and I think the regulators were embarrassed by such a small catch as they told me to return to my ship and nothing else would be said. I have no recollection of the rest of the night but I was up for it again the next night.

British Bobbie's and Red Telephone boxes

My first run ashore in Gibraltar was exactly that, a race to the top of the rock organised by the club swinger. My unknowing preparation around the ships deck I had thought, would stand me in good stead, unfortunately it didn’t, and I just followed the masses on the meandering road to the top. We passed landmarks on the way but I never looked up from my feet, I remember feeling sick and walking at several places, the time it took me was totally inconsequential but I knew I had done it.
My memories those days are still vivid as I was achieving new firsts every day.
I have a photograph of myself with a palm leave that I had acquired from one of the few trees, a colossal achievement as I was pissed at the time and managed to get it passed not only the police but also the gangway staff. I remember thinking to myself how strange it was being in a foreign country and seeing British policemen and red telephone boxes. Well I never knew it was a British colony!
Waking the next morning still cuddling my palm leave I must have looked ridiculous, my problem was I now had to get rid of it. My time in Gibraltar was memorable and throughout my career I was to return there many times.

We sailed for exercises with NATO forces in the Mediterranean and our next port of call which was going to be Malta.
A few days out of Gibraltar when I was at ends thinking of with what to do with myself, I decided to go and watch A the 4.5 inch turret in action, I had never seen a gun firing and not knowing any better set off to watch. I had a grandstand view from the Exocet launcher deck which was right behind the twin barrel gun. I was watching for some time before I could just hear someone shouting from above and behind me due to the noise coming from the guns, it was hard to make out. Shortly after that the firings stopped, yet again in my career I heard “that man” “Oh shit, would have been My first thought, “You there come up to the Bridge”, I set off at pace to what I thought would be some sort of bollocking, I wasn’t disappointed, the officer who had shouted said he had just seen the top of my head and wondered what the fcku I was doing, it became obvious he was concerned about my welfare, I received a serious dressing down for my stupidity and became the talk of the ship for a few days, I have no doubt that It is still a dit that is being passed from one generation to another!

The danger I had faced was, when a gun fires there is flashback from the muzzle and is it quite capable of seriously burning skin, I learnt my lesson and so did the navy, “Teach young sailors to dangers that they would encounter at sea", that would have been the best response, the thought of having lost my good looks and hair, fills me full of horror.
I expect the lesson was reported and there were changes to training.

Instead of Malta we stopped of in the French Riviera at a small place call Ville France, we anchored off and rigged side lighting, we where then visited by Lord Mountbatten and a young Prince Charles. It was obviously an impromptu visit, we all had a few hours ashore but it was obvious it was a liaison visit. The Cannes festival was on at the time and the Wardroom had invited several Movie stars to visit for a "cock and arse party" I remember well seeing Lord Mountbatten and could'nt help thinking what a mess his uniform was in, but I guess nobody would have dared tell him that.

Roger Moore came with several gorgeous followers also Lord Olivia, Oliver Reed, Bridgette Bardot and many other beautiful female actors of the time. Oliver Reed was drunk as a Skunk and he asked to join the ratings in their mess for a beer rather than spend time with the wardroom. His wish was granted probably much to the delight of the officers.


He managed to drink most of the evenings beer ration and was sad that he was unable to buy more.







I remember having to work that evening as the gangway handrail had become electrically live and was giving all the visitors electric shocks as they disembarked their launches, funny really, it didn't take long to fix but long enough for Oliver Reed to get his marching orders from the ship for being incapable, he was helped ashore by means of the Captains Huntress. The admirals personal fanny boat.

The next morning Oliver Reed passed by on the Port side in his own Chinese junk flying the skull and crossbones, he fired a starting canon at the ship and proceeded to drop his trousers and moon at the officer of the watch. Never a dull day!

Cinderella Leave

                      
My first foreign run ashore in the Navy was in Toulon, A very large French navy port, in many ways it was just like Portsmouth except they spoke weird and the beer was sold in millilitres not in pints.
My leave was only ever until 2359 by which time if I was not on board I would be standing at the officer of the days table the next day for consequential punishment, that was normally a couple 
of days pay or even worse a couple of days leave.
It was called Cinderella leave for obvious reasons. The Captain takes parental responsibility for those ratings under the age of seventeen and a half, a responsibility he took very seriously. Not being able to drink and not allowed to stay out late caused a few problems when seeking out the opposite sex but as long as I returned without appearing intoxicated and on time I was alright.

Toulon was behind us and Gibraltar ahead. The ship was to be the Gibraltar guard ship for six months; this meant little to me except that in between a few days or weeks sailing in the Mediterranean, we were alongside in the dockyard.
I had found that getting exercise at sea was quite easy, the ship had its own club swinger, not to be mistaken for swingers club, and there was always competitions for one sport or other, deck hockey on the flight deck was always popular and also fitness sessions that would leave me wrecked. I enjoyed running around the upper deck, it was mainly a wooden deck and providing the weather was fine there was never any restrictions. I used to run for miles but I suppose I could have called them nautical miles. I did Karate some evenings during the week; I found a switchboard room that served the purpose well. The ambient temperature was high due to its location next to the boiler room and I used to be soaked in sweat,

The Chinese laundry were only to happy to wash, dry and iron my clothes, they would be back on my bunk the very next day.
Latterly I had a good re pore with the Chinese laundry men, probably due to my promotion to maintaining their electrical equipment. If I needed something washed and ironed fast I used to pull out the fuses for one of the dryers, they were so grateful that when I "fixed it" I would get anything done and a few beers thrown in as well. It was funny they never had names but were known as numbers, starting at one. The laundry was not very salubrious and they slept worked and ate down there. Most nights they would be found playing cards or Mahjong. The laundrymen loved their time ashore in Gib they were to be found most nights at the casino.

Old Shipmates

Junior Ordinance Electrical Mechanic Second Class and at seventeen there was only one way to go and that was up, I sailed on my first ship and as expected I was sick as a dog, I never got used to sea sickness but the symptoms did alleviate the longer we spent at sea.
For the first time I crossed the Bay of Biscay and I had a bucket attached around my neck for most of the voyage.

I was now billeted with real sea dogs and just like a compendium of nautical books, there was  stories of adventures, of drinking and womanising these were frequent, I got taken in by these old hands and I am sure now having sailed the world over myself that most of there dits were a lot of old cobblers.
There were many characters whose paths crossed from one ship to another and they would recall runs ashore in foreign ports that they had shared and they in turn would recall old shipmates and their antics, stories that would be passed from one ship to another and from one generation to another, this would help the time at sea pass when not actually working.
Each days itinerary was detailed the day before as to exactly what was to happen, this came in the form of daily orders,  and it would be posted around the ship for all to see, in the form of daily orders. Details such as “call the hands” and “pipe down”, dress of the day, meal times and twice a week the evening movie.
Once a month Pay day arrived and as previously, when ashore, we had to line up in alphabetical order and receive our pay in our caps, thank god that eventually it was put straight into a bank account but that did'nt happen for many years.

My duties as a electrical rating were not very trying and it was not long before I started to strive to attain more knowledge, I used to draw electrical circuits for fun and to understand how things worked, much to the consternation of some of the older hands who had just done enough to get bye for many years.

I was made "The mess man" of the Warrant officers mess, my duties included cleaning their shoes, polishing the “heads”, general cleanliness duties, I took to them well and was awarded with  a blue station card for all my efforts,
this meant that I had no normal duties when in port other than to attend to the Warrant Officers, Cleaning spitkids and washing up the beer tankards was probably the worst of the tasks. The toilets were always gleaming as they were made of brass and I spent hours rubbing them with Bluebell.